Until now,I wonder
Why you chose
to stay angry
after I brought
your heavy watch
back from my classmate
I got it back didn’t I?
I was a high school freshman.
Why you remained cross
after you opened the door
and saw
I was in the bathroom
and you thought
I’ve left the lights on again.
I was bursting my pimples.
Why you said you knew
and that you’d beat me up
at school, if you had to.
But I never got acquainted
with your fist.
By that time,
I was out and about.
But I -
I also remember
How your eyebrows
desperately wanted to meet
as much as you
must have wanted
me to be straight
everytime you forced
your eyes on me.
How you held
that little painting I did
into that morning’s rays
Your grip was as tight
as your neck
as you growled and said
it was of the devil.
I wonder, Pa
but I remember.
I wonder again
and I forget.
7 dared to vomit:
I was three feet from the floor gasping for air trying to release my father's hand from my throat. I looked into his eyes and wondered, if my feet would ever touch the floor again. Have you ever been hit so hard that it sends your body flying across the room? We all fall to the floor at some point, its how you pick yourself up, thats the real challenge isnt it?
Ive always lived in my own world, i dance to escape my troubles. Ive learned that there's light even in the darkest places. I can't blame my father for anything. You can't rely on other people to make you happy. But i know deep down inside, he loved me.
story's like these are really sad. I really don't know what to say cause I never went through something as grave... but things will be ok.
were you banished from home? i've never exactly come out yet. i told them back in college, but they laughed and dismissed it as adolescent confusion. and somehow it never got brought up again. these days, though, i keep on wondering why i just don't have the courage to be all open about it, when really i can pretty much get by on my own if they threw me out (although it's unlikely that they would).
ps you are a terrific writer.
i hope i dont getthat feeling russ... havent told ya diba?
ge lang. when i get that rare chance nalang.
terrific. terrific. terrific writer, they say.
dang! :)
beautiful.
ahhh my heart bleeds with you. No matter how hard you and I try to present ourselves as "human" as we could be to our fathers, yet it seems we shall never be good enough. No matter how many press releases, competitions, awards or whatnot that we may gain. The least they could give should be respect, for being their son/daughter. They must realize that we didn't choose to become their offspring. It broke my heart when my dad told me he was not coming to my exhibit opening. Hell, he made sure he was going to be out of town on that day.
I envy you. Because your dad came to yours. And your dad went to our graduation as well, dba? Mine made sure he was going to be defending some other people's crap in the supreme court in Manila. Haay. Someday, I hope someday, they shall learn to show their love to me beyond the material things that they offer to show their affections, to the trash that they created that is me.
Smile. Someday we shall know.
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