There, we're over. hurts still, but we're over. For some reason, I'm angry. I can't wait to see his face when he sees me. I'm not gonna love again ciguro, not now. I'm gonna be russ, no one can have me, no can be with me, no one can hurt me. NO more. This is it. I've come to this part where I am in control. And I will be in control, I promised myself gollum-like to take care of my self. Fuck James. Fuck what was. I came out, went with him, and now he's gone. Can i sing "he's out of my life"? hehehe. NO more crying. No more killed expectations. No more disappointments, just russ. Russ will go on, russ will run like the wind, russ will fly, russ doesn't need anyone, russ doesn't want to be with anyone. Love is all tears and pain. My life was meant to be lived alone. I'm gonna go rediscover my potentials. Isolate. alienate and annihilate. Nice talking to chris, I'm gonna go look for more friends. more of everything not boyfriend. I dunno what I'm saying. Just let me blog. Just let blurt out fuck. fuck everyone. Fuck life. fuck dust.fuck blog.fuck sex. fuck sheep.fuck keys. Ok, ok, I'm angry,....so freaking what. hahay, this is gonna be my last transition.at least that's comforting. who would know russ then? i guess my blog readers will. This blog will be and is my journal. here I will put everything that supposed to be known by a human being. Love myself. hug myself. Fuck his promises, fuck his words. I've done this so many times...hahay..i knew it...i knew this would hurt me. FOrget about james. Leave the memories to the past. You felt happy. you felt protected. He said it was real and so it was. Love. So much for love. I will now go and live life my life without james. without anyone.
hehe...they say he'll come back....fuck that. I know better.
