there you go. we almost broke up but I was too fucking chicken to do that. I cried my eyes, myself out just so I could avoid it. So now we're cooling off. I feel like shit. I begged. I'm a fucking fool. I guess I still need him. He said he wanted me to stand on my own to feet, what the hell am I doin? crap... I should've acted on this na, I knew this was coming, I knew. Or is God punishing me for my profanity on blessy? I dunno. I know I'll still be able to stand if we broke up though, I've done this a lot of times but I just don't want not to be with him right now. anyway, i'm not gonna die but i'm not denying the fact that i'm scared as hell. I'm gonna miss him like hell. 3 weeks of no james in my life and I can't even think about it, see how freakingly desperate I am. But people have to be sometimes, or else we stop living, right.Nah, I'm rationalizing, I know, I'm freaking fucking desperate and I don't hate myself for it. I love James so much but if he needs to go then I'll let him. God, I'm gonna miss so many things. But then again technically, were still together. I hope everything will be ok after this, the cool off.I wish, I hope, I pray we'll be ok. Grabe, I'm so low. I'm gonna see him tomorrow if we can, i told him this was gonna be like the deep breath for me. I'm scared shit. I'm fucked up. I'm messed up. I wish I could crash on him and hide but it's not from everything else but him and me this time. It's about Me and Him, and me and him alone. pray for me. peace and love.
