I am disillusioned. I just wanted to say that. My pic is finally here. SO there, that's my face...back when James and I were just like a day old as a couple. He so loved me back then. Everytime we were together, he took it as like a miracle(?) , something like that..."I dunno know how long I'm gonna have you.." that's what he used to say. He loved my bald head...more than anyone. Everybody else asked why I had that haircut in a rather sad way of asking. Crap. I'm talking about James again. Everything seems to remind me of him. I wait and wait. even seconds seems long. I wait for his text, his call, his e-mail, ..whatever. it's almost two weeks. the deal was a month or two. I'm surprised I'm not raving mad yet. May friends are nowhere to be found, to be texted, to be called. I am absloutely alone. Before, that used to be a good thing. Me and my solace. Well, I really do love my solace, but my solace leaves me thinking about james, leaves me hurt, leaves me crying, leaves me missing him...terribly and I am ultimately disabled. I intend to go out and try to distract myself. tomorrow I'll stay home the whole 24 hours. The day after that is the concert...I wish Chris John will see it with me. i hope someone sees it with me. Someone who's not annoying and won't talk about the concert while watching it.
There is a sharp lump at the back of my head. My mom wants it checked up by the doctor. I am scared. I am scared indeed. I do not like brain operations. My heart hasn't been checked up either. I watched tv the whole morning. I need new porn. I need new movies to watch. Ms. Pinzon still hasn't told me yet. what the hell is her problem? the worst thing that could happen is maybe I'm really not the one who got accepted in the workshop. Vera hasn't replied to my inquiry of her location. I miss James. I miss my friends. I miss my other friends. I smile. and I blank out. ever so often. THis mad season is getting to me...
