SO I am in a good mood. I missed James but not in a sad way. Last night I watched MTV style awards...made me think...demons were whispering transexualism in my head...SCARY!!!! I switch to another channel and back...I start thinking about the afterlife...about the universe...about my existence...It came to me... I should not waste my time just missing someone or being sad because I was hurt. I SHOULD NOT WASTE MY TIME FOR ANY REASON. It's ok to be hurt...it's ok to be sad...It's ok to be alone...BUT DON"T EVER WASTE YOUR TIME HERE.
So here I am, blogging again...documenting my life...change will come upon this blog...i will still rant...I will still be dumb and pathetic...I will still be vain and arrogant...but i will not waste my time...i will not waste this blog just for petty sad pathetic complaints and cries. i'll wait for james but I will not focus on his absence but focus in my presence and that will go on for the rest of my life. today I finished a painting...documenting my turning point. It was about love for other people and love for myself. I know it's cheezy and corny but hey, the greatest love of all is loving yourself. I've known this since I can remember but I kinda stopped in my application of it. Too concerned about the pain....about the fantasies...being the escapist that I am...too intentionally oblivious....Liyo told me that James will never contact me as long as it's still october. gulp.Ok....Basta I miss him and I will see him again and be with him again. I sleep late but i wake up early...what's up with that? funny. that's means the next day, I will sleep early and wake up early and be healthy and work out an eat a lot and have fun.
I got my kit for the workshop. I loved seeing my poems in there... Only three people made english poems. I'm not sure. I know I'll kick ass....
Psychology people are here...still doin their papers. HAHAHAHA...I hope Mis stela wil ask about James..I'll tell her..."you ask him". I dunno, I just want to say that...you ask him...hehehe. I don't mean anything by it...wa lang...fun...
Watching porn with liyo made me miss James so much...how open we were about sex and how much we had fun...laughing...naked...eyes stuck on each other...the make-out sessions....everything...I am so underfucked....i think he is too...hehehe...When it's time.....basta lagi....We'll do everything....
And I'll tell him about my turing point and he'll be proud of me nasad like some kuya or something....I miss reporting to him. I think I made progress this time. :) smile everyone. Russ has stopped growing...now he grows again. I was the one who decided to stop growing...NOw I'm deciding to grow again.
Vera and yen...don't touch the arms of the cinema seat....deadly....germs...viruses..:)
Liyo....you finally saw gay porn:)
Chai....Post more videoke songs and try not dying :)
James....see you soon...
Peace and Love everyone.
this blog is so lu-od.
