Last night I was overwhelmed yet again by sadness. After a whole day of laughter that mostly I generated...I ended up with a heavy heart. And yes, in my state of deprivation I typed his name in a search box. just now.
Pause: As a public outreach effort, over 1 million names were collected and placed on the STARDUST spacecraft,which will visit Comet Wild 2 in 2004...My name is there..hehehe...one in a million
Play:
SAw his name and my heart thumped like a beating drum. My armpits smell. i haven't taken a bath yet...Kris said James is spending the weekend at san remigio with his friends trixie and moncho.
I found myself back in high school, crying alone...while watching american adobo... It wasn't just about James...about everything...my mom...my family...my acceptance...my secret agony....my life...
I don't think I'll be smiling in the workshop. Life is truly UNFAIR. Now That I got into the workshop..I can't even enjoy it coz I'm just so freaking sad.
I found the poetry page James and his friends share, one that shing made...a friend he sometimes talks about.
bleeding...hurting...crying....broken.
I find myself broken...with wounds as fresh as morning dew but red and searing with pain.
I wish things were better...but then again, i always say that.
escapist perplexed | james neish
puzzled and petrified
i stroke my pride,
set my self at ease,
and please my fragile mind
i think of your sidesteps,
sideways glances, sidewind slithers
always sideways and byways
(like the crab that you are)
and now i sit sick and puzzled,
petrified of the thought,
setting myself at ease
and pleasing my mind
with the the sullen tones
of fiona apple
Peace and love. Hope all of you are better...even nikki's white spot in her eye. But that doesn't mean I'm over it.
wake up sleeper.
