Did I just see a siamese cat?

I went out've the house as fast as I could to get here...now I don't know what to write about...nah....My family is again in total financial ruin and I'm going to Bacolod this friday. Ironic. I have to get a job. I need a job. I cannot and I refuse to be the only non-contributing person in my family. I've been thinking about call centers but it'll inevitably bring my artworks to ruin. Maybe I should write for money? or design furniture? I can't do anything that pays per output. i have to get a job that pays regularly. Another thing..this heart issue...blablablablabla....I don't even wanna talk about it. I'm seeing J in two days. I'm imagining my arrival...he'll be there, small and smiling and when I get off the boat, I'll run to him with background music and slow motion effect...hehehe. J just texted me. I don't want to spend so much time here coz I pay for time in this place. God, I hope I can get a job.. I'm so in search of so many things...a job...a religion...not so much diay. i wanna see my friends. I think there are only two people here in this cafe so it's kinda embarrassing. I'm seeing larry today, he's leaving for manila(?) tomorrow..I'm gonna miss the texting...all of the non-cebuano fellows have gone home to their respective towns. I think I saw a siamese cat kanina. My fast walking went slow for like 5 seconds...it was weird seeing a cat like that in this country, in this place where dogs eat shit and people eat dogs. James still hurts me. fuck. The more I think, the more I get angry, the more I get hurt. so many things left unsettled. he's so many things to explain to me. he hasn't contacted me yet. mindfucker. I'm not getting any lunch today...