This is how it goes: I wake up with this fresh, energized feeling, seconds later, I feel this sharp pain in my heart, i remember, i think, i drown, two minutes and my day is turned to ashes. The sun tries to cheer me up, beaming its rays on my face, my skin. I respond by playing music that lifts the spirit. I am not satisfied. i stare at my yellow player, stare until tears stream down. until tears dry up. Something calls me to go down. I need to get up somehow, I need to go through the day.i need to live somehow, despite the sadness, despite this inescapable isolation..
downstairs, too much stuff, mine, ma's and pa's, and my sister's family's stuff...toys...decors..clothes..appliances...furniture...food...
downstairs, too much stuff, mine, ma's and pa's, and my sister's family's stuff...toys...decors..clothes..appliances...furniture...food...
CLUTTER. MESSY. i focus on my stomach and start feeding myself. fried fish, chocolate milk, rice, jackfruit. While i eat, the day starts to attack me again, I hear Bamboo singing "masaya". Crap. yesterday night, while i was walking home, screaming fags saw me and stalked me...they talked amongst themselves...a word "maya" is said..."ladlad na day!" they say..."maya...maya...lami ang maya..."...fuck...it is rather frustrating when your day has been totally cruel and you're tired and hungry and fucked up and messed up and then these guys come along and kick you in the stomach. Saya ng life.
I did not eat dinner at home. I went straight to bed. and slept.
Wishes spark in my head but no more than a millisecond do i linger with them, nor do they stay, wished someone was there...wished I could cry on a shoulder or on the phone at least...no, they remain as wishes and wishes will they be forever.
I'm supposed to make 5 studies for my techniques class...there is no room for creativity in my head only blackness.
Good charlotte's music isn't good...the lyrics hit me though... the song that's playing now...something bout so predictable...
So there are no classes...I went to school anyway...Ms stela...need I explain more? Miraculously, she didn't hold classes. her children were there. I asked wyndelle his painting, he gave it to me. reloaded. Now i'm here...blog...nasad.
James is going to Boracay...good for him...i could use a break...i think I deserve it man ciguro...
Am i gonna get comments about this nasad? am i to see myself posting another "arrogant bastards unite" entry?
I need to get out of here...or sleep for a year...or die for a month...or die...
I'm dying anyway.
May you all have better.
I did not eat dinner at home. I went straight to bed. and slept.
Wishes spark in my head but no more than a millisecond do i linger with them, nor do they stay, wished someone was there...wished I could cry on a shoulder or on the phone at least...no, they remain as wishes and wishes will they be forever.
I'm supposed to make 5 studies for my techniques class...there is no room for creativity in my head only blackness.
Good charlotte's music isn't good...the lyrics hit me though... the song that's playing now...something bout so predictable...
So there are no classes...I went to school anyway...Ms stela...need I explain more? Miraculously, she didn't hold classes. her children were there. I asked wyndelle his painting, he gave it to me. reloaded. Now i'm here...blog...nasad.
James is going to Boracay...good for him...i could use a break...i think I deserve it man ciguro...
Am i gonna get comments about this nasad? am i to see myself posting another "arrogant bastards unite" entry?
I need to get out of here...or sleep for a year...or die for a month...or die...
I'm dying anyway.
May you all have better.
