I had him call me. I said what I need to say. I let go of anger and thought not of pain. I thought it would be ok now. Much of the negativity will be gone. But no... there is sadness. waiting for me. as if to pounce at me in my solitde. there, i lurk in the shadows of what was, i linger with the memory. No, pain cannot be so lightly removed. it stays. and when we will talk and we will see each other. and we will laugh. and we will have fun. And I will strangle myself in my thoughts, shut myself up, eat whatever words I so want to say...And I will talk and I will smile and i will laugh and I will talk about life and art and people as if I were ok. AS if he was nothing more than a fellow artist or funny friend.
and it will go on that way...like i told him on the phone...of what will always stay.
Good luck to me.
to pat:
When a guy is gay, he's still a guy...:)
