I don't feel so good today. Slept with jay, in the comfort of the one who loves me. then i went to Holiday Plaza Hotel. And now I'm here, feeling not so good. probably a year ago, I was in the same place, with yes, James. And having been back there isn't helping me at all. Vera, Yen, and I were at the same floor we went to, where we hid among the tables and chairs and made out til we smelled like dust and itching all over. Fuck- I haven't said that in a while. Shit.And now I've just realized I'm late for class. should I go now?I'm far downtown anyway, I'll porbably get there by eleven which is like too LATE.
I think my only grandparent left, my father's mother is dying. My sister asked me if I'd go with them to Leyte sometime next week. Valentine's is looming ahead and i haven't saved up for the Malapascua trip or anywhere outside the city where there isn't a single reminder of the dreaded James.
Prom is this Saturday, wish I could go and see Randy, or just have fun afterwards, go drinking again, perhaps. but no, I don't think my parents can afford the 900 bucks in such short notice. fuck. If I had the PLDT money already, I wouldn't have problems about this. i haven't even brought back James' stuff yet. I piled them up already but I can't seem to find the time to deliver them to his house, his dreaded house.
Shit. Everything's piling up. I got the Joya entry to start. A triptych plate, a texture plate, my manuscript and requirements for both Iligan and dumaguete workshops. shit.
I'm getting irritable, dreaded James seems to be flashing in my head thrice now in one minute. If this goes on, this will be bad for the rest of the people in my life, i will not be responsive, yes I will be more irritable, I will not talk, I will not smile, I will not interact. i will however, wear this gloomy countenance, be overly blunt and cynical, rude, unapproachable, frowning, laughing like idiot not because something's funny but because I can't cry in public so I just laugh it out to some idiotic thoughts. basically i will be an imbecile and i'm starting to be one by not being in class.
Vera says I'm getting thinner, but my face is getting better. I haven't had enough sleep even in Jay's arms. Yen says I should be thankful to have someone like him, not a boyfriend but someone who catches me no matter what without the obligation of reciprocating.
Randy's pic in his friendster account looks so freaking gay, like boy abunda gay. he should've settled for the kid giving the finger.
I'm hungry. I better go or i'll end up giving myself ulcers.
