Pinoy Big brother celebrity is on tv right now.
But I have to say this, here.
Saying this means me recognizing the facts of my situation.
10 days from now, J will be leaving for Bacolod and off to Italy by March.
I will be left to face my family, alone, homo, agnostic, and artist.
On March 11th, James will be leaving for Canada.
I do not intend to spill out everything on how this means to me coz it won't fit in this page anyway but I my heart beats ever faster and harder at the thought of these things. I am scared of what this will do to me. The last days have been sort of a "looking away" exercise. I've tried to keep myself busy and distracted so as not to think about the coming events. Valentine's is coming and everyone knows what that does to single people. It's even harder fpr someone like me. My thesis is going well. I feel healthier. But this is coming.
Last night, at dawn to be exact, I lay on the hammock at my balcony, I wrote this stupid text, intending to send it:
The moon is a wide smile, its grin is on me
my eyelids dropping to their pairs
as the sun eats the shadows
ever so slowly
On this balcony of old coconut dreams
lay the muffled screams
of my old ruined heart.
It doesn't really make sense.
Sommersault is spelled with a U and my noun-verb agreement is getting lousy.
My face is again riddled with little bumps of red and pus.
My hair, as dry as dandruff on my pillow.
I do not want to panic.
these people are important to me.
