Much has happened before this post. Should I put them down or leave them all to memory? Perhaps I'm just really really really tired. Physically, Mentally, Psychologically, Emotionally. Tired Tired Tired. I have so much to do. I can't stop either. I'm already very late, most of the things I'm dealing with are overdue so i don't find any sense in resting or stopping or being humanistic about it.
For what it's worth, I'm doing the list again, saves time, saves energy, and does the job for me. Mostly for documentation purposes, someone out there might think I'm being a sadist again. Come to think of it, my "sadism" was a reaction to pain. A bad reaction... but still, more a reaction than a meditated attack. here's the list:
1. Went to Dumanjug for the Weekend with the followwing people:
Sirmunds
Ate Trilbe
Grace and her boyfriend Eugene
Harvey
Roniel
Liyo
2. Dumanjug is Sir Munds' hometown, we stayed in their family reshouse which was actually the house of his brother too, we slept at his ancestral home, a very big old beautiful house made in the 1930's.
3. From Dumanjug, we strayed to Moalboal and to Kawasan Falls in Badian
4. Had one of the best rides home from Dumanjug to Cebu. We sang in SirMunds' Jeep the whole time.
5. Went home to an email from james, my pa and brother talking about my spiritual degradation, and a summation of all my problems.
6. This week was allocated for the Facilitator's workshop for the Summer Art Workshop, I am undergoing the workshop right now and it's so fucking time and energy consuming. Had I found an alternative summer job, I wouldn't have joined this workshop. Too much work for too much trouble.
7.I have been troubled and disturbed by james' email since. I just sent him another reply.
8. Tired Tired Tired and there is still more to do and FIX.
9. I miss Pat.
10. I miss Vera.
11. I miss Chai and Yen.
12. I miss J.
13. I wish I could talk to Kris John.
14. I wanna sleep for the longest time.
15. I told my brother everything through friendster messaging
16. Talked to him on the phone kanina. We still talk like he doesn't know anything about it. We sound like spies on the phone.
17. I bought a bottle of wine for my pa.
18. I have not uttered the words "Happy birthday" to him yet. Come to think of it, I don't remember him greeting me on my birthday.
19. My pa hates me coz I'm not a christian and I'm gay and I'm an artist. he thinks I'm going to hell and I'm going on a path of self-destruction
20. My ma thinks I'm rebelling against everything they believe in.
21. My ma thinks I'm destroying my life as well.
22. My ma thinks I'm going to hell too.
23. My brother thinks the same as my pa thinks.
24. My sister is a boarder in this house.
25. My sister thinks she is a sister because she talks to me about food in restaurants.
26. My sister thinks she is a sister because she brings home left-overs
27. I love my sister nontheless, she has taught me so much and probably the only sibling who has significantly influenced me.
28. My niece can talk now. She is the cutest little girl in the wolrd...for now. She will be one of the cutest when my other neice is born.
29. I am alone.
30. I'm holding up so far.
Peace.
