Why? I wonder if it is a law of nature that for a once in a period of an existent's lifetime, it should experience genuine happiness. The television is singing the national anthem, and I wonder at that too. Not so much the purpose of things but the reasons behind them I wonder about. And I wonder if both are one and the same. Static. How can local television temporarily stop operations for a period of only about a few hours? And what am I doing again online 8 minutes before the clock strikes two. I wonder what Oprah is doing right now or what an 8 year old kid in Mogadishu is thinking while he starves, dying. I wonder how his mother is taking it. In the dead quiet of the night, I realize this silence is all but pretense or a kind gesture from the almighty that human beings and all other affected beings can get some time and space for peace, even amidst all this turmoil. I realize that tomorrow when I wake up I will get out of this house and do something. I like these hours honestly, and maybe these hours birthed the first philosophers, they got addicted to carefree disinterested talk and the justified escapism of it proved an appealing alternative lifestyle to the war-torn politically unstable times. But tomorrow this thinking will come to an end-temporarily. And I shall again engage life while thinking I'm not really doing it. To some extent, I do feel like my whole life is a reaction to what has been thrown at me or rather, to my irrevocable throwness into existence. When I die, will I go back to where I came from or shall I go farther into or out to another realm of existence? Am I in a waiting room or in a cabin of an inter-dimensional train? Nevertheless, my perception of the whole existential dilemma seems a bit like that of a defeated existentialist. Tomorrow I shall take control but why not start right now? Or can anything radical initialize at this moment at all? Are these hours for those who cannot rest in what nature has prescribed for it's kind or am I truly Homo Icarus, a new species of a biped? Don't flatter yourself, Russ.
