As the title says, I am at the office at 1:10 am. Hana and two other officemates have decided to sleep here, I got lazy and decided to spend the night here too. Today, we had the dinner party at the newly-opened Aziza and Z bar which Kenneth designed and a lot of people actually worked on, all who came to the party were those people. It's great to see the place finally functionial and without the clutter. I wish I could go back there without having to worry about the bill like just tonight. A three-course meal and some coffee all for free. Hehe. That was the first time I actually did Fine Dining and actually knew it was Fine Dining. During dinner, I kept having this urge to text someone, to tell someone I was there and that I was loving the experience, I found out I couldn't text that someone coz he's far away probably having more fun and having more elegent dinners like the one I was having. I would like to believe that there is some sense in this open-endedness(is it really even open-ended?). I would like to believe something's in store for us on September next year, at least for that time. After that, I'll stop hoping for anything if it asks me to. I got an e-mail of three words...so much for comfort. Maybe this was how he felt when I was careening ever so wildly through everything, through his heart, destroying everything in my path.
I have learned to just go on with daily life, work, study, do what I have to do. Adaptation I guess, I've always asserted my evolution never really the adaptation involved in it. So I guess I'm adapting, I guess I'm not feeling as much as I used to...well...at least not all the time. I can't go on feeling while I work, I can't go on moaning while I'm holding a meeting, I can't go on crying while I teach some rich kids a thing or two about art...but then again, there is always the darker part of the day. There is always nightime and those hours before I go to bed like this one. And there are hours, even days that are unbearable like yesterday or those afternoons or nights at home with those people I call family. I'm lucky now coz I got to eat some really good food and drink some really good wine...not like the ones I buy on Christmas or for my father. I miss the people whom I shared most of my soul with, who has seen most of me. I miss them too much sometimes, and I feel it in my bones. Sometimest, it feels like that unbearable itch you can't ever scratch off until you just realize you've hurt yourself. There is too much of the alien here, there is no familiar skin or smell I can run to. The only soft places to fall on are my pillows and I don't even have them with me right now...now that I'm here, in the office.
